Bidula’s Last Word – Iron Man 3

I liked Iron Man 2. There, I said it. Actually, I did say it before right here.

While it was not superior to its predecessor, it was still a fun romp through comic book land rife with reference and foreshadowing. I consider it a prequel to the rest of the Marvel Movie Universe at large; drawing in SHIELD, teasing Captain America and Thor, and giving birth to everyone’s favorite card-collecting agent, Phil Coulson. I believe it often goes unnoticed that this was the important transition movie that really set the stage for the Avengers.

That said, I realize that Iron Man 2 was and continues to be widely panned. This doesn’t bother me, I stand by my word. This did, however, greatly lower expectations for Iron Man 3 when it hit this weekend. The seemingly global disapproval of Iron Man 2 which arose in the media as the release of Iron Man 3 grew closer was palpable. Before it was even previewed for the media, people were calling it out as iffy. This was partly because the advertised villain – The Mandarin (played by Sir Ben Kingsley) – is something of a campy stereotype in Marvel Comics lore; a Red China throwback who used magical rings to varying effect in his quest for world domination. Standard supervillain junk and not much more.

In fact, the story (without giving too much away) makes the Mandarin mysterious, powerful, and menacing without the ridiculous camp you would think followed the character from even a cursory glance at his Wikipedia page.

Yes, I’m a comic book geek, and yes, I did like Iron Man 2 but Iron Man 3, from a strictly objective viewpoint, was an absolutely incredible film.

The phrase “this movie has everything” is often bandied about carelessly. I am not participating in such bandying by saying that this movie really does have everything. This movie brings the funny as much as it brings the action and suspense. There are some serious laughs to be had which is largely due to Robert Downey Jr.’s always spectacular performance as Tony Stark which, since the first movie, really brought the character to life. Tony Stark had been around long before these movies but I don’t think he truly had a voice in the original Marvel U until RDJ put him out there as a fast-talking, razor-witted, ego-tripping playboy. It was Warren Ellis and the Extremis storyline in 2005 that made the character movie –ready, but it was RDJ putting his stamp on the character that makes Iron Man one of the better books out there at the moment.

This is also because of the sharp writing and direction of this franchise. Though this has changed hands over the course of the trilogy, it has achieved a strange consistency. People seem to know how to write Tony and those around him and make it seamless.

Even though, as you may have seen in the trailers, a veritable army of Iron Man variant suits participate in the movie, this one is more about Tony outside the armor than Tony inside the armor. This is strange when you’re waiting for the post-credits scene and suddenly a wall of names marking the 3D effects crew takes no less than 30 seconds to scroll by, then you realize that, oh yeah, there were 42 armor variants shown in this movie and each one was different.

The story draws from the previously mentioned Warren Ellis Extremis story arc and doesn’t skimp on the details. They took a story from the comics which really brought Iron Man back to being a mainstream player in the Marvel Universe rather than just one of the Avengers, gave it a bit of polish, and pushed it out under the absolute best possible circumstances.

One thing I appreciated was that the fight scenes were actual fight scenes and not the slow-mo-fast-mo junk or shaky-cam cut-fests or special-effects debacles of recent years. They were well played out, well cut, and, unlike most movies involving armor or giant robots (I’m looking at you Michael Bay), you could tell who the combatants were the entire time. Really, some of the most solid classically-shot action sequences I’ve seen in a long, long time.

There were some good callbacks for fans regarding SHIELD and the Avengers movie. Really nice to see that sort of thing in a solo picture and really nice to see the continuity of the universe moving right along. Paramount continues to hit this part of the Avengers franchise spot-on. There are plenty of little easter eggs hidden and I’ll probably need to watch the movie at least one more time before I get them all.

Another easter egg in plain sight was the introduction of the Iron Patriot armor. If you’ve read Marvel Comics within the last few years, you know the significance of that armor and especially the twisted bastard who was wearing it. They don’t go that far (licensing and plot-line surely would not have been kind), but it was still cool to see Norman’s red, white, and blue streaking around and getting into some interesting situations.

The ending corresponds with the rumors around Hollywood that RDJ may want to step out of the suit for good after his contract expires with Avengers 2. I wish that wasn’t the case. Something about him wanting to move on to different roles and not be shoe-horned into the action-movie role forever. The only problem with that is that he IS Tony Stark. Unless he buys it in Avengers 2, it’s not going to be as easy a replacement as Bruce Banner was.

BTW, stick around after the credits for a nice shout out to the Science Bros meme. VERY funny.

Bidula’s Last Word – 9/10

Keep fighting the good fight.

—end transmission—

Spoils of War

It has happened to us all at one time or another.

You’re out at night and your DVR is running. By the time you get home, the latest episode of one of your favorite shows has been recorded and is waiting for the mere touch of a button in order to play. Maybe it’s late. Maybe you have other stuff to do. One way or another, maybe you don’t get to watch it until the next day.
Regardless of when you watch it, you will likely sit down in front of your computer or use your phone to browse Facebook or Twitter or your other social network of choice before you get the chance.

And there it is.

“I can’t believe (character) died!!!” or “OMG, (character) did (horribly unpredictable thing)!”

Right at the top of your feed. As unavoidable as death. Staring you right in the face. You’ll try to will yourself not to read it the minute you realize what it’s about, but you’ve already seen and cannot unsee.

You’ve been spoiled.

This has been especially prevalent over the past few seasons with shows like Walking Dead and Game of Thrones, where character deaths and crazy twists could be lurking around any corner and may surprise you even if you are a student of the source material.

Even though we live in the DVR/On-Demand era with most of our favorite shows at our fingertips, some of them available immediately after their original airing, social media has helped to keep these late-views to a minimum. It has also increased the availability for discussion of said shows thereby generating groups who will actually physically get together to watch a show or even do an online hangout so that commentary can be made while the show is actually being viewed.

I believe that these first-run viewings and their associated discussion groups, live or virtual, have come about due to the prevalence of spoilers popping up in full public view on a consistent basis. In essence, Facebook, Twitter, and the like are contributing to Nielsen numbers and are making it easier for networks to continue to track ratings with fair accuracy without as heavy demand on adjusted numbers for recorded or downloaded episodes.

More people are making sure to watch their favorite shows in real-time because it provides for a more pure experience. Once an episode is aired and in the zeitgeist, it becomes almost palpable. Even though you may not see any spoilers posted, you realize that the information is out there and is close enough for you to touch. People will reference it. People will discuss it off-hand. It may happen in person – you may overhear someone discussing it – but, it is most likely you will see something referenced on social media or in a meme or in a meme posted on social media which will reveal a detail that you would have preferred to get from the source.

This is also attributable to the current trend of serial television. Yes, I realize that most television has always been serialized but when you look back on the 80s and 90s, you realize that shows back then could usually be taken as independent episodes. You didn’t need to know the backstory to realize what was happening. Some shows running multiple seasons in the modern era don’t even bother to name the characters out loud, even in the season openers, because they expect that the viewer base is a returning one and will know the story up to that point. We rarely even see flashbacks anymore, unless you’re seeing something in season four that you may not remember from season one.

Even sitcoms are following the recipe of continuity more heavily than they have in the past. Most sitcoms in the past could be watched at face value no matter where you came into the series. Kids may get older, neighbors may move away, the main characters may switch jobs or even locations, but not many of them had story arcs or characterization deeper than the surface. Roseanne is an example of a prototypical serial comedy as there were story arcs with building tension and sometimes even a big reveal. It did this better than any other sitcom on the air at a time when most big twists in a comedy were advertised with the prefix “A Very Special Episode of…” This was usually when a main character, typically a child, was caught using drugs or joining the army or dying or another reason I can’t think of that could be used to escort a rapidly aging child star off the show because their appeal was down.

Then there are sitcoms such as 30 Rock and Big Bang Theory which, while easily digestible in a single serving, are much more satisfying when you come for the entire meal. Something always looms in the background and is usually brought to the fore in a one-hour season finale. Spoilers can ruin the final punchline just as easily as the big cliffhanger.

Television’s initial fears about the prevalence of downloading and how DVR can affect ratings should be largely allayed by the egregious amount of spoilerific material permeating social media (and even legit media, if they show is big enough).

Sundays are a very busy television day and, if I don’t get the chance to watch one of the two or three shows airing at the same time that very night, I know that at least one of my Facebook friends is going to blow any potential surprises I may have received watching it live. I am at the point where I will begin ignoring or deleting those who must constantly spoil.

I am declaring a moratorium of three days. No spoilers, no discussion on social media for three days after any given episode has aired. At that point, if you didn’t see it, it’s your own fault. There are a number of avenues available for you to watch an episode within three days (unless you’re on vacation away from the internet, as I have been before). After that, blab about who died or who killed who or whatever insane twist as much as you want. You have my permission.

Spoilers, for me, are incentive to absorb things as soon as possible. Movies, video games, television, books… I feel that if I’m not first to the finish, it will be inevitably ruined by some schlub who blabs about it on the internet. I’m sure that my particular brand of paranoia helps contribute, at least a bit, to first-air ratings and opening weekend box office totals and so on. It’s a marketing tactic we, as social media addicts, have brought upon ourselves. It is a very beneficial side-effect of internet assholes, at least to Big Entertainment, and gives me and those like-minded a reason to do it right away rather than put it off.

Oh, and in case you didn’t hear: Vader is Luke’s father, Bruce Willis is a ghost, “Would you kindly?” is a trigger phrase, and Dumbledore dies at the end of Book 6.

Keep fighting the good fight.

—end transmission—

Let The Circle Be Unbroken: Bidula’s Last Word – BioShock Infinite

I’m walking through a park and I hear something familiar; something that sounds proper for the period but doesn’t seem to really belong. A barbershop quartet is belting out something in typical four-part harmony, perfectly normal for 1912, except that the tune is that of the Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows”.

Stunned, I stopped what I was doing and listened to the rendition. It was a complete anachronism. Of course, standing in a city kept aloft some twenty-thousand feet in the sky by the sheer will of steampunk-tech in the middle of 1912 wasn’t quite out-of-place enough. They just had to throw in that little musical cue which had me tilting my head like a confused puppy while simultaneously bringing a sly grin to my lips.

Little details like this only slightly increase the already rich experience that is BioShock Infinite.

Though we’re no longer in Andrew Ryan’s underwater dystopia of Rapture and the days of “would you kindly” are far behind us, this is very much a BioShock game. I heard complaints that it shouldn’t be called BioShock since it distinctly lacks the submarined setting and early photos showed a distinct lack of the dark, dingy settings to which we had become accustomed. I believe it was a perfect avenue for change. It was nice to run around a slowly decaying dystopia in the daylight and the open air for once.

Yes, we’re above the clouds now. Replace Rapture with Columbia, the promising utopian brainchild of a religious zealot, one Zachary Hail Comstock – this version’s Andrew Ryan with different non-Randian baggage.
You play as Booker DeWitt – a member of the 7th Cavalry who served at Wounded Knee and a former Pinkerton detective-cum-private-eye. In his depression following the “horrible things [he’s] done”, he ran up a large gambling tab. In order to satisfy this, he is sent to go to Columbia to “bring us the girl and wipe away the debt.” This statement is a key theme to the game, especially upon meeting your co-protagonist, Elizabeth (“the girl”).

The relationship between Booker and Elizabeth is a very interesting sort of reverse Stockholm syndrome in that he kidnaps her from captivity and she sticks with him, forming a quick if not tenuous friendship with him. This bit seems a bit rushed if you’re not taking into account psychology of the fact that Elizabeth has been held in a tower all her life and not allowed into the outside world, even within the constructed utopia.

As she is with you, she scouts around for items and money pickups you may have missed leading to the mechanic shown in the release trailer where she throws Booker a shotgun just in the nick of time. These sort of things (kinda) happen in the game; she’ll throw you health or Salt (the new EVE or MP for those not familiar with the other entries in the series) or ammo when you’re running low.
Her true power, however, adds a much more interesting mechanic to the game. Elizabeth can open what are referred to as “tears” to other versions of Columbia, allowing her to throw cover into an open kill-zone or draw weapons, ammo, health, or even a friendly turret or automaton into battle. You choose what she draws over and most battlefields are literally littered with useful tears. Consequently, this telegraphs when a major attack is going to take place, as it’s usually only the battlefields where there are numerous tears available for your reality-warping pleasure.

My only disappointment with combat was that, unlike the originals, there was no constant roaming threat, like a Big Daddy.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some severe heavy hitters in Columbia like the Motorized Patriots and the Handymen, but they are not as abundant and random as the Big Daddies which, to me, was part of the challenge of combat in Rapture. At any point in the originals, a stray shot could turn a routine firefight into a life-or-death situation if a Big Daddy happened to be moseying through.
Aside from that small loss, there are still Plasmids (known as Vigors here) and a variety of firearms as well as upgrades for both enough to keep things fresh right until the very end.
You are limited to carrying two weapons in a sort of Left 4 Dead style, making you think about what’s around the corner and whether or not you should pick up that RPG when you’ve already got a sniper rifle and a machine gun available. The interesting part comes when you run out of ammo for your favorite weapons and you’re forced to improvise with whatever has been dropped by the enemies you’re fighting. It pays to familiarize yourself with each gun as you never know what you’ll have to fall back on should things go dry.
Also, in place of some of the utility plasmids, there is gear – four slots (hat, shirt, pants, shoes) that add different effects when equipped. Simple, yet effective.

Columbia starts out as a bright and shining beacon – a place that, unlike Rapture, appears to be an actual utopia – and gets darker and darker as the story goes on. Things turn from a brighter Boardwalk Empire look to something more akin to slums of Victorian London and every setting is masterfully done. Columbia appears even more grandiose than Rapture with its amazing architecture and gigantic monuments.

The plot here is thick, which made me very thankful that the protagonist actually has a voice unlike Jack or Subject Delta. The banter between Elizabeth and Booker gets to be very organic and makes them feel authentic. Also, there is no radio to constantly bark objectives (would you kindly?) into your ear, giving you instructions. When you talk to someone, it’s usually in person again adding to the authenticity of the characters.

Jumping back to the beginning of the review, the barbershop Beach Boys moment was not the only time familiar music shows up. Keep an ear open for 1912-styled versions of other modern songs (it makes sense in the end, trust me). It’s funny when you realize what you’re hearing. It sounds vaguely familiar then you hear the lyrics and you are spellbound and you won’t move from the spot until the song is over.
The rest of the soundtrack is haunting. Be prepared for chills when you hear “Let the Circle Be Unbroken” during your first moments in Columbia, it really sets the tone for the game.

My main problem with this game is that it seems far too short. I clocked in somewhere around 12-15 hours and I was stumbling around every nook and cranny, opening every single container I could, as I typically do in games such as this. Also, the game promised that you could return to previous areas, however, I didn’t find myself wanting to veer much off the path because the plot is so compelling. I suppose it’s the gaming equivalent to a page turner and, in the end, you realize you spent a decent amount of money for a relatively short amount of time and even though you got the payoff you were looking for, you’re still somewhat sad that it all ended so soon.

The only other problem is that this game is governed exclusively by AutoSave. There is no manual save feature which means that, if you want to quit in an odd spot, you can’t just put it down and walk away without potentially losing some progress. You need to make it to the next checkpoint before you can drop it and walk away. This is likely to lose some casual gamers (who Ken Levine said they were trying to attract) but isn’t likely to cause much issue for the intermediate to the hardcore.

There’s also some DLC in the works as they’re offering the newly popular “season pass” option for US$20. It’s a linear story but, in the end, you find out why DLC will be cruicial to expanding that story. That means there’s a crazy twist. It is a BioShock game, after all. I wouldn’t expect less.

I believe that this is almost assuredly going to be Game of the Year award-winning over multiple publications. It is an absolute must have and, although there are a few easter eggs thrown in for you Rapture veterans, it can easily be played and thoroughly enjoyed by the five or so people who didn’t play either of the first two BioShock games.

I’ll shut up now so you can go play.

Bidula’s Last Word – 9.9/10. I just wish it was a little longer…

Keep fighting the good fight, would you kindly?

—end transmission—

Bidula’s Last Word – Les Miz, the Movie

Out of the few gigantic movies which debuted over this holiday season, I did not expect to see Les Miserables first.

I thought it would be Django, followed by The Hobbit, then maybe Les Miz as a lollygagging third choice some time down the road but hopefully before it left theaters. I certainly did not think I would be standing in line with tickets the Friday after Christmas waiting for Les Miz.

My mother has quite a bit to do with this. She never gets to go to the movies unless it’s with my wife and I and she mentioned she wanted to see Les Miz before her Christmas vacation time ran out. A good use of the Fandango gift certificate she’d given us only a few days prior, I felt, would be to treat her to the flick of her choosing.

I’ve seen Les Miz on stage a handful of times. I saw the big anniversary special on PBS in the mid-90s with something around 100 actors who had played Jean Valjean in every conceivable country and in every conceivable language. Great soundtrack. Quite possibly one of the best musicals ever written.

When I heard there was going to be a film, I had my doubts. I immediately flashed back to 2004 when The Phantom of the Opera hit the big screen. This was the first time my wife-to-be would have any experience with a stage-production I had obsessed over when I was a teenager. I talked it up big – told her about the multiple times I had seen it in Toronto (in a theater revamped for that very production), told her stories of fog machines and trap doors and falling chandeliers and the Masque of the Red Death scene… It was a spectacle. If you missed seeing Phantom in a theater built for it, trust me, you missed something incredible.

Anyway, we go to see the Hollywood version and are treated to King Leonidas (two years prior to 300) poorly lip-synching awful versions of songs I had taken the time to memorize a decade earlier. Not to mention the rest of the cast acting like wood. I realized that Phantom was meant to be a stage spectacle and that the stage tricks and illusions were a big part of what it awesome. That movie sucked balls and I was guarded about Les Miz because I’d seen Lloyd-Webber slaughtered on the big screen before. I was braced for a large impact.

Because of my apprehension, I was absolutely blown away by this movie.

Hugh Jackman turns in a Valjean to rival the stage version. Actually, the whole cast (some of which made their bones on performing this musical prior to the flick) was phenomenal. Except for Russell Crowe, who tried really hard but in the end sounded more like a Muppet of a man (or a very manly Muppet).

The fantastic difference was that the entire cast ACTUALLY SANG. Like, while they were filming, they sang. No lip-synching, no bullshit editing. The whole thing was recorded live as they were filming which made it possible (if not entirely necessary) to use long, follow cuts during the big solo songs which, in the case of Anne Hathaway especially, conveyed so much raw emotion in a very personal way.

This was also because most scenes were shot with close-ups, allowing you to see the emotions on the faces of the actors like you’d never seen it before. There’s something to be said seeing this musical performed on stage, but it’s not nearly as personal or primal as this movie. You lose the faces of the actors on stage because they’re not recognizable. Using a few big-ticket Hollywood actors (as well as tighter camera angles than balcony seats allow) in this case didn’t go amiss as it was very easy to identify who was who. This helped in scenes where certain people have beards or are in disguise and are much more telling to the non-theater trained eye. It also made the plot a bit easier to follow in a story where there are so many named characters.

It was much more intimate and I think that had a lot to do with things. Real tears being shed while singing should not go overlooked.

The big hilarious surprise of the movie was Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham-Carter as the Innkeeper and Wife. The Innkeeper was one of those roles I always wanted to play on stage. Your Valjeans and your Fantines and your Giveres will get the bulk of the applause, but the people that make you laugh in the middle of serious drama are usually some of the most memorable. Sacha and Helena were not as trumpeted as Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway, but they added so much to the movie that I wouldn’t be surprised if, when this movie actually goes up for Oscar consideration, one or both of them get Best Supporting nods.

If you’ve never seen this musical on stage, you can surely experience it here and you will enjoy it. The people who have seen it on stage will be, understandably, divided in their opinions. You’ll love it because of the raw emotion and spectacle or you’ll hate it because it violates the purity of the stage version.

Theater geeks be aware, however… Colm Wilkinson has a cameo and it’s great.

All that said, see this flick. I can’t guarantee you’ll cry, but I defy you not to get at least a little foggy at some point.

Bidula’s Last Word – 8/10. Points off for Crowe and the dude who played Marius sounding like very manly Muppets (or Muppets of men).

Keep fighting the good fight.

—end transmission—

Honoring My Word…

I said three years ago that I would be here to tell you “I told you so.” I am a man of my word. I told you so.

If you’ve seen my Facebook page at all today, you know I’ve been having a good time with it.

Until we speak again (soonish).

Keep fighting the good fight.

—end transmission—

Nerd Alert

I’m a nerd. Or a dork. Or a geek. Call me what you will under whichever definition you choose. I like things like science and Star Trek and comic books and video games. I am slightly anti-social. I wear glasses and work in a nerdy sort of job. That’s who I am and I wear that badge proudly any day of the week.

Verizon would have be believe that this is a bad thing and that, by simply knowing more about football, I can break the bonds of my stereotype and become another more socially acceptable stereotype.

Don’t believe me? Watch the commercials they’ve been throwing up during NFL games.

There are two. The first stars the prototypical office dork (thick glasses, suspenders, pomade-induced parted hair, squeaky nerdy voice, etc.) trying to interact with his co-workers at lunch who are talking about the game last night. He makes an egregious faux pas and his office mates get up and walk away from him, leaving him to marinate in his own embarrassing social disgrace.

But then comes Verizon to the rescue. The guy decides he should learn about football. The more he learns, the more he tranforms. They show him learning about football while exercising at the gym, while he’s getting his hair cut, while doing various other self-improvements, and by the end of the commercial, he’s best friends with the same co-workers who ditched him in the beginning, has his hair professionally coiffed, ditched his glasses, and seems like the kind of dude who would give his old self a swirly.

Apparently, knowing about football does all of this. The knowledge of football and its nuances are shown in this commercial to take you from zero to “hero” within one NFL season.

Oh, don’t think that we forgot about you, ladies.

There’s a sister commercial which stars a woman with (again) thick glasses, bad hair, and no fashion sense (iron-on puffpaint sweatshirts). This time, however, she’s shown to be a crazy cat lady instead of just the awkward co-worker. After learning football progressively the same way as the guy did, while working out or being social or getting her hurr did, she comes out the other side of the commercial as a well-adjusted, totally-not-shut-in, attractive, professional woman who has (again) ditched her glasses and her apparently less-than-desirable lifestyle based on the Power of Football.

Verizon, I get the zero-to-hero gag. I get that you’re overdramatizing a situation to make a funny commercial. You are forgetting one thing, however: Nerds, geeks, and dorks (some… most where I’m from) watch football. We know about football. We know the nuances of our roster. We could call in to a sportstalk show and ask an important question about the direction of the team or offer some insight to prior callers.

We already know what the fuck we’re talking about when it comes to the game, so I’ve got one question for you, Verizon: Where’s our social acceptance? Where’s our glory? You promised these things to us via commercial. Since we already know football, does that mean you owe us a haircut, some time at the gym, and a nice-looking new suit so that we don’t have to be stared at like the office freak anymore? I mean, it’s not like my glasses are getting any thinner or more fashionable. My geeky suspenders make my underwear ride up and they constantly bump my pocket protector. Or, maybe your reparations will include speech therapy for my over-obvious lisp or my hideous nasal laugh. Are you going to hand out spray tan or force my super pale ass into the tanning bed? Are you going to instill the growth of facial hair over my acne-laden skin?

Or, are you going to stop fucking stereotyping me? Because I’m a big, tan, bearded, football-knowing, no-suspender-wearing, video-game-playing, Star-Trek-watching nerd who is certainly not the office pariah you make me out to be. I may consider myself anti-social, but I still get out of my house quite regularly and have quite a few friends with whom I did not originally bond over football.

I am great friends with a number of people who know practically nothing about football or sports in general. They are certainly not the terrible shut-in characters your commercials would have us believe they are. They are amazing people who lead amazing lives. Just because they don’t watch football doesn’t mean they can’t own a very successful business or be an expert chef or climb Mt. Everest on their way to the Seven Summits (actually do have a friend who summited Everest). These are people who have great accomplishments under their belt and whose lack of football knowledge was never once called into question as a negative.

In short, Verizon, you suck. Your commercial makes adult life look like high school, where the cool kids don’t want the dorky guy to sit at their lunch table. Grow up. Advance your timeline beyond 1950 Join the real world. The lines are blurred. The social divisions aren’t as extreme as they used to be. Somewhere down the line, everyone watches at least one episode of Doctor Who, and that’s nerd enough for me.

Nerds of the world: Don’t let the man get you down. Especially not when that man is a two-bit bullshit phone company.

Keep fighting the good fight.

—end transmission—

PS – Follow me on twitter @precizzion for comedy gold and rants about the continuing lockout.

The Revenge of Hipster Ariel

Sub-cultures. Most of them wind up becoming so insanely popular that they come closer to being mainstream culture than they would probably like. This is a pure and honest fact of the interconnected world. If you post a picture of you dressed in the appropriate attire of your particular sub-culture and a heretofore unaffiliated person enjoys that style, they may endeavor to copy that style.

This is what happened to steampunk in latter years. I’ve never considered myself a part of that particular sub-culture, but I admire the style and have even tinkered with writing a steampunk fantasy story of which, admittedly, the particulars about the perceived tech-level were a bit underestimated, but that’s a tale for another time.

I’m sure there was some resistance from the steampunk community when the popularity of their sub-culture began to truly blossom. I’m sure some of that resistance is still out there, even with the growing amount of converts and conventions. It’s part of the little bit of hipster in all of us to resent noobs to anything, especially when its something you may have done for years. For personal reference, I was a Renaissance Faire pirate before the Pirates of the Caribbean movies came out. I resent every noob pirate I see at the Faire because I’ve been doing it for over a decade. I am the proverbial mother fucking OG.

Things may have got a bit too nerdy there for a moment. No shame in my game.

There are also the scenesters. For instance, the Goths, who were damned into mass appeal around the minute Marilyn Manson hit the airwaves. No offense to Mr. Manson, I am still something of a fan, but Goth cred went straight out the window the minute mass appeal set in. Music brought people to the lifestyle, the lifestyle over-inflated and eventually evolved into the horror known as Emo over the natural progression of things. But, again, that’s a story for another day.

All of this leads to an article I read today about an obscure scene/lifestyle called Seapunk. Yes, this is a real thing. It’s what they’re terming as a “microscene”. As with most scenes, it associates with a particular type of music (electronica) and has a particular mode of dress. The mode of dress involves a lot of blues, greens, and teals, tye-dyes, wet-suits, and generally trying to look like Angelina Jolie in Hackers. Dated reference, but there it is. Further research indicates that the “’90s cyberpunk aesthetic” is one of their key tenets, which lends even more credence to Acid Burn being their one true God.

They’re not shocking by any means. They’re not anything truly out of the ordinary other than the fact that Ecco the Dolphin is one of their main mascots and most of them buy oversized cutoff fluorescent blue t-shirts with images of sea creatures on them like you may have done yourself in the five minutes you decided that saving the whales was a worthy cause to support by buying mass produced clothing in the 90s. Oh, and they like to dye their hair blue, teal, or green. Again, not a shocker in this era, but it seems to be the most extreme of their deviance.

The reason I bring up this microscene is because they are up in arms regarding Rhianna’s recent performance on SNL. Rhi portrayed their style on stage during a fairly psychedelic first number on last Saturday’s broadcast. They’re not mad that she didn’t do it right, on the contrary, they’re upset because she did it too well.

The community believes that their microscene was unfairly mainstreamed and has taken to the internet to protest this fact.

No, seriously. Let that sit in your brain and stew for a while before it melts and dribbles out of your ear holes.

Is this what things are coming to, hipsters? I understand, as I mentioned previously, the hatred for noobs, but I would be more flattered than angry if someone big in the entertainment industry picked up on a mega-niched fashion trend that I started. It’s the ultimate “I did it before it was cool”. Doesn’t that appeal to your sort of mindset?

In short, STFU and deal with the fact that someone, myself severely excluded, digs your style enough to copy it. Eventually, every niche that ever existed gets mainstreamed. Don’t complain about it, profit on it. Use that amazing fashion knowledge you believe you have and run with it. Stop whining that your tiny little trend is getting bigger and revel in the fact that you were actually, for once and for truly, at the forefront of something.

Or just fade into obscurity. Either way, I don’t really give a damn. I just thought it was funny you were bitching about it.

Keep fighting the good fight. (as in, not the stupid fight like this one)

—end transmission—